....AND AGAIN IT HAPPENS

17^th Feb, 2012:  How does it feel like to get some proper dream-less sleep after quite a while? Well, I found that out just now.

So, there’s this girl in my life(as anyone who has read my previous entries might have guessed) that I’ve fallen in love with. And she’s EVERYWHERE !

In my thoughts, in my dreams, in my actions. I finally was able to fall asleep at 02:00 AM thinking of her. Exhaustion does finally take a toll it seems, then.

Anyways, I finally wake up now at 05:20 AM all relaxed(three and a half hour of relaxed sleep is all I’m capable of now) and the first thought in my mind: HER.
And why? Why her? There’s a lot of things going on around of me. Hostel thefts.
A good friend probably being sexually harassed by his room-mate. A best friend’s birthday just around the corner. And by the way, he’s turning 20. Congratulations, dude! :D 

Anyways, lots of stuff going around. Like the fact that my mom seems upset with me for some reason. Hasn’t called in two days. And that my brother’s girlfriend called twice today offering advice on how to woo my lady. My best friend/room-mate somehow diverging from our unspoken protocol and starting preparing for exams 10 days before they’re actually starting! I mean, come on dude, how lame is that? :P
All this, and yet, nothing comes to my mind when I wake up...but her!
She, who doesn’t even recognise that I love her.

She, who probably is never gonna be mine anyways.

She, for whom I’m willing to change every aspect of me(which really is not cool as per the past, non starry-eyed me).

Her best friend tells me that I don’t stand a chance in hell of ever winning her affections. And maybe that’s true. Maybe she IS too good for me.
But then again, is she though?

I mean, yes, her smile is the most beautiful smile in the world.

Yes, her eyes are more beautiful than the most beautiful  stones in the world.

Yes, her voice is sweeter than the best symphony ever composed.

Yes, she’s more intelligent than any other girl I’ve met.
Yes, she’s more sensible than any too.

Yes, she smells better than the morning wet earth in monsoons.

Yes, she’s cuter than a freaking teddy any day.
BUT...

No, she doesn’t love me.

Shouldn’t that lone reason suffice? I mean, obviously, I’m not ready to give up now. But then I wonder, if all my efforts turn out to be in vain, will I be hurting more than if I’d just given up now?
Maybe yes. Probably, yes. Definitely, yes. But I can’t bear to live in a state of wonder. “Could she have been mine?” I can’t risk that. I don’t want to be regretting that the rest of my life.

Of course I’m not going to give up without a fight. I’m going to try my best. And then go for the final face-to-face. And then, if I return broken, I’m going to figure out the other aspects of my life.

It doesn’t matter now whether she loves me or not. What matters is that I care for her. What matters is that I can’t see her in any pain.

What matters is that I want to protect her, forever.

What matters, friends, is that I LOVE HER.

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