WHAT IS ALL THIS FOR? WHY HAVE YOU BEEN GIVEN THIS? ONE DAY, MAYBE YOU'LL FIND OUT...

I read somewhere today. "Love happens many times."

Really? It does? I don’t believe it. Crushes happen many times. But love? True love? Nah, I don’t think so.

The attachment. The feeling that the other person is a part of you. Severing it..it hurts. Take her away..you’re nothing. You’re incomplete. It’s all void.

You know you mean nothing. You know your love doesn’t matter. You know it’s all for nothing. But really, is it?

If there is God, all this cannot be just for nothing. He cannot give you all of this for nothing. He could not have designed fate this way for nothing. He has something planned for you. He didn’t just give you this passion to simply sit around.

Yes, maybe you’re not meant to get her. Maybe she’s not meant to be in your life ever. But something...something has been planned for you. Someday you’ll realise why this strength..or this weakness has been given to you.

LOVE. One single word. Encompassing your entire being. Meaning more to you than anything. And given to you...who never believed in it. Never wanted to be a part of it. Smirked at those who claimed they had it. Laughed at their fake and pathetic attempts to grab attention. And now, you’re a part of it. Or rather, love is a part of you. I don’t know...you contain it..and yet somehow it contains you too.

Consuming everything you have. Slowly. Dreadfully. Every last wish. Every last desire. You’re being left with nothing. Nothing except love. Love, which grows ever stronger. Which threatens to never give up, yet you know it should.

It gives you weaknesses. The absence of desire. The desire to laugh. The desire to be happy. The desire to be...anyone..or anything! It gave you reason to live, laugh, breathe. And yet now, as it grows stronger, it’s taking it all away. This can’t be good. You need desires. They’re a part of nature. Nothing should be able to take that away from you. And yet, it’s happening. How, you don’t know. Why, you don’t know. But it’s still happening.

It also gives you powers. The power to fake..almost anything. Faking laughter. Faking curiosity. Faking all desires. Faking concern. Because all of this doesn’t exist for you anymore. But you still fake it. Fake all the excitement. And it doesn’t even take much effort. It’s mechanical. It’s like you know what you should do, and your body, your expressions, all do that for you. They generate all the appropriate reactions for you, without your involvement.

It feels weird. Kind of like being trapped inside another person. But it helps. The acting part, you don’t have to do anything to get there. Are you splitting up? Maybe you are. But then again..maybe you’re not. It’s just like you’ve realised the truth. Of what matters. And what doesn’t. And your soul is helping you with it. It’s created a shield. To guard you from the outside world. To act according to what is expected. While inside you can concentrate. Deliberate. Think.

Will all this ever end? CAN all this ever end? You know what you know. But you can’t say it. You might sound fake. You might even sound insane. But you can’t help it. It’s just what it is.

You just hope. Keep hoping. Maybe one day you’ll understand it. You’ll understand it’s true purpose. Why was this done to you? One day, maybe you will get your answer.

...IN THE END, IT'S ALL WORTH IT

Why is it that being away from someone you love hurts so much?
Why does it make you miss them even more? Why does it matter so much, even when it is just a matter of a few days? And when it’s not like you do talk to that person a lot..and like that’s going to be diminished.

No, it’s something else. The reason the distance matters..is because it makes you feel that you can't be right next to her at a moment’s notice. It’s because it makes you realise that you can't look out for her now...even though you are perfectly sure there isn’t much to look out for. She’s not in any dire need of you...never has been, and it’s highly unlikely that she’s going to need you in the seven days you aren’t close to her!

You know all that...and yet you feel uncomfortable. You wish you had someone around her. Someone who can keep you updated on her. Someone whom you trust completely. Someone you are sure can and will take care of her. You wish..that you could always, at every moment, keep a watch on her well-being.

You don’t want her to be hurting, cause it hurts you. You don’t want her to be sad, cause it makes you gloomy. You don’t want her to be feeling lonely, cause it makes you feel depressed. You want her to be happy, and content, and peaceful, and elated. You want that for her, cause it brings you peace.

And yes, you miss her a lot. You wish you were close to her. You wish you never had to be away from her. You wish you could look after her, care for her, and protect her every day. You wish she was always safe. And that you were always sure of that. You want to ensure her happiness at all times. Because she’s now your everything. She’s now the reason you want to see, to breathe, to wake up every morning, to live.

I often asked myself, “Is this normal? Is this healthy?”.  I had doubts. How could such a passion exist? How could such a commitment be? It’s inexpressible. I’ve been trying to explain that for quite some time. But words always fall short. There’s always something missing. I don’t ask that now. It is, obviously, perfectly normal. It is perfectly healthy. It’s, like, healthier even. It brings immeasurable happiness. To know that the girl you love is safe. Is happy. Is protected.

That spark. That unique feel which she brings...it’s just so not what can be explained in words. I wish there was a way I could get others to feel what I could. Cause it’s so amazing! It’s like sunshine to someone locked up in a damp room for years! It’s like a breathe of fresh air! It’s like a gulp of cool water to a thirsty person! It’s like tree shade to a person who’s been burning in the sun for days! It’s...simply amazing.

When I see her, I forget everything else. It’s like she’s the only thing that matters. It’s like the whole world was created with the sole intention that she could exist. Without her, everything is null. It’s all meaningless. It carries no significance.

When I see her, I forget what I was about to do. For a second, it’s like I’m in some sort of a trance. I need to jerk myself back. To remember. To not look like a starry-eyed idiot. But it’s worth it.

The longing, the sadness, the fear of rejection, the sleepless nights, the incessant overthinking...in the end, it’s all worth it. Isn’t it?

THE INEXTINGUISHABLE FLAME...

Ever experienced how just a simple smile on someone’s face can bring you boundless happiness?  Seeing someone happy, enjoying themselves, make you even more happy?

Loving someone...this awesome feeling is what you can get when you are in love. Seeing her smile makes you want to smile. Seeing her content makes you want to sing...to dance!
Looking in her eyes for even a brief moment...and you can see your whole world there!

Looking at her..and knowing you’d be happily willing to spend your entire life with her. Knowing that you would stop at nothing to prevent that smile from being wiped from her face. Knowing that you could never bear to see a frown on that beautiful face.

Looking into those mysteriously beautiful eyes..and hoping that they could sense something. Something...just a tiny bit of what you feel!
Looking into those eyes..and wishing how you could just keep looking forever!
Wishing how you’d never have to look away..and how if only she’d never look away as well!

Knowing that your everything..your emotions, your feelings, you yourself are now hers. Knowing that she has somehow managed to become a pivotal point in all of your actions. Knowing how she’s in your every thought.

When someone else’s happiness brings you joy...know that you’re in love.

And that, my friend, is the epitome of happiness and satisfaction. You don’t need anything else in the world. You can just live with that feeling forever. You can just sit through your entire life happily if you knew she was happy too. It’s like a flame which cannot be extinguished. It would last forever.

You can just keep loving for the rest of your life. Unconditional, irrevocable love...