I read somewhere today. "Love happens many times."
Really? It does? I don’t believe it. Crushes happen many times. But love? True love? Nah, I don’t think so.
The attachment. The feeling that the other person is a part of you. Severing it..it hurts. Take her away..you’re nothing. You’re incomplete. It’s all void.
You know you mean nothing. You know your love doesn’t matter. You know it’s all for nothing. But really, is it?
If there is God, all this cannot be just for nothing. He cannot give you all of this for nothing. He could not have designed fate this way for nothing. He has something planned for you. He didn’t just give you this passion to simply sit around.
Yes, maybe you’re not meant to get her. Maybe she’s not meant to be in your life ever. But something...something has been planned for you. Someday you’ll realise why this strength..or this weakness has been given to you.
LOVE. One single word. Encompassing your entire being. Meaning more to you than anything. And given to you...who never believed in it. Never wanted to be a part of it. Smirked at those who claimed they had it. Laughed at their fake and pathetic attempts to grab attention. And now, you’re a part of it. Or rather, love is a part of you. I don’t know...you contain it..and yet somehow it contains you too.
Consuming everything you have. Slowly. Dreadfully. Every last wish. Every last desire. You’re being left with nothing. Nothing except love. Love, which grows ever stronger. Which threatens to never give up, yet you know it should.
It gives you weaknesses. The absence of desire. The desire to laugh. The desire to be happy. The desire to be...anyone..or anything! It gave you reason to live, laugh, breathe. And yet now, as it grows stronger, it’s taking it all away. This can’t be good. You need desires. They’re a part of nature. Nothing should be able to take that away from you. And yet, it’s happening. How, you don’t know. Why, you don’t know. But it’s still happening.
It also gives you powers. The power to fake..almost anything. Faking laughter. Faking curiosity. Faking all desires. Faking concern. Because all of this doesn’t exist for you anymore. But you still fake it. Fake all the excitement. And it doesn’t even take much effort. It’s mechanical. It’s like you know what you should do, and your body, your expressions, all do that for you. They generate all the appropriate reactions for you, without your involvement.
It feels weird. Kind of like being trapped inside another person. But it helps. The acting part, you don’t have to do anything to get there. Are you splitting up? Maybe you are. But then again..maybe you’re not. It’s just like you’ve realised the truth. Of what matters. And what doesn’t. And your soul is helping you with it. It’s created a shield. To guard you from the outside world. To act according to what is expected. While inside you can concentrate. Deliberate. Think.
Will all this ever end? CAN all this ever end? You know what you know. But you can’t say it. You might sound fake. You might even sound insane. But you can’t help it. It’s just what it is.
You just hope. Keep hoping. Maybe one day you’ll understand it. You’ll understand it’s true purpose. Why was this done to you? One day, maybe you will get your answer.
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