...IN THE END, IT'S ALL WORTH IT

Why is it that being away from someone you love hurts so much?
Why does it make you miss them even more? Why does it matter so much, even when it is just a matter of a few days? And when it’s not like you do talk to that person a lot..and like that’s going to be diminished.

No, it’s something else. The reason the distance matters..is because it makes you feel that you can't be right next to her at a moment’s notice. It’s because it makes you realise that you can't look out for her now...even though you are perfectly sure there isn’t much to look out for. She’s not in any dire need of you...never has been, and it’s highly unlikely that she’s going to need you in the seven days you aren’t close to her!

You know all that...and yet you feel uncomfortable. You wish you had someone around her. Someone who can keep you updated on her. Someone whom you trust completely. Someone you are sure can and will take care of her. You wish..that you could always, at every moment, keep a watch on her well-being.

You don’t want her to be hurting, cause it hurts you. You don’t want her to be sad, cause it makes you gloomy. You don’t want her to be feeling lonely, cause it makes you feel depressed. You want her to be happy, and content, and peaceful, and elated. You want that for her, cause it brings you peace.

And yes, you miss her a lot. You wish you were close to her. You wish you never had to be away from her. You wish you could look after her, care for her, and protect her every day. You wish she was always safe. And that you were always sure of that. You want to ensure her happiness at all times. Because she’s now your everything. She’s now the reason you want to see, to breathe, to wake up every morning, to live.

I often asked myself, “Is this normal? Is this healthy?”.  I had doubts. How could such a passion exist? How could such a commitment be? It’s inexpressible. I’ve been trying to explain that for quite some time. But words always fall short. There’s always something missing. I don’t ask that now. It is, obviously, perfectly normal. It is perfectly healthy. It’s, like, healthier even. It brings immeasurable happiness. To know that the girl you love is safe. Is happy. Is protected.

That spark. That unique feel which she brings...it’s just so not what can be explained in words. I wish there was a way I could get others to feel what I could. Cause it’s so amazing! It’s like sunshine to someone locked up in a damp room for years! It’s like a breathe of fresh air! It’s like a gulp of cool water to a thirsty person! It’s like tree shade to a person who’s been burning in the sun for days! It’s...simply amazing.

When I see her, I forget everything else. It’s like she’s the only thing that matters. It’s like the whole world was created with the sole intention that she could exist. Without her, everything is null. It’s all meaningless. It carries no significance.

When I see her, I forget what I was about to do. For a second, it’s like I’m in some sort of a trance. I need to jerk myself back. To remember. To not look like a starry-eyed idiot. But it’s worth it.

The longing, the sadness, the fear of rejection, the sleepless nights, the incessant overthinking...in the end, it’s all worth it. Isn’t it?